Uncover the Truth: Will My Ex Come Back?

Some ties last a lifetime. If you’re asking yourself “will my ex come back?”, know that It is not impossible for two persons who separated to get back at a later point in their lives. It is crucial to keep in mind the subtle signals that the two of you may rekindle, and in this article we’re going to talk about the most important ones.

This can be an emotionally challenging part of your life, with old feelings being reignited and new worries coming on. Searching for indicators that your ex will return can be a negative psychological exercise that might turn you away from other important aspects of your life. 

And once you and your ex decide to get back together, you’ll need maturity, patience, perseverance, to get beyond the defences and reignite your love.

Why do exes come back? Understanding the Motivations Behind Exes’ Return

There’s a number of motives for your ex to return:

They finally understood their error.

It’s possible that your ex has now come to terms with your relationship and decided they want to get back together with you. We all process things at varying rates of speed.

People frequently choose to suppress their sentiments after a breakup rather than confront them.

They believe you were meant to be together 

It took your ex breaking up with you and being away from you for them to understand that you two were soulmates and that you were meant to be. During your time apart, they realised how much they truly missed you and how deeply connected they felt, even when you were no longer together. Every moment without you only served to highlight the void in their life, and it became clear that no one else could fill that space. They’ve come to see that your relationship was unique, something that can’t be replicated or replaced, and now they’re more certain than ever that you were destined to be with each other. This realisation has made them more committed to you and the future they believe you’re meant to share.

They are envious.

Some really unpleasant emotions have the power to greatly influence people. One of them is jealousy.

Being motivated by jealousy is effective because, at its foundation, it makes us feel threatened. We may have a nearly primitive instinct to not want others to take what we consider to be ours. This feeling can lead people to act irrationally, making decisions driven more by fear and insecurity than by love or trust. Jealousy can ignite intense emotions, sometimes pushing people to hold on more tightly or to behave in ways they might not otherwise. However, jealousy alone is unlikely to be the indicator of long-lasting relationships. While it can spark a reaction, a relationship built on jealousy lacks the stability that comes from mutual respect, understanding, and trust. Over time, if jealousy is not addressed, it can erode the very foundation of a relationship, leading to resentment and emotional distance.

They saw you in a new light.

If you are wondering about the chances of your ex coming back, it’s important to focus on your own growth and well-being. While there is no guarantee of your ex returning, taking care of yourself and working on personal development can increase the likelihood of a positive outcome in your love life. Remember that you cannot control your ex’s decisions, but by focusing on your own happiness and growth, you may create a space for reconciliation in the future.

Why do exes come back after years? When distance comes into play, an ex may start to see you with fresh eyes, re-evaluating the relationship, especially if they encounter negative experiences in the meantime. Your ongoing personal growth and the pursuit of an interesting, fulfilling life can undoubtedly make you more attractive in their eyes, potentially making you a more desirable option in the dating world. However, it’s crucial to ensure that you’re doing all of this primarily for yourself, rather than simply to prove something to someone else.

Unsuccessful rebound relationship

Rebound relationships can be a source of uncertainty and loneliness when wondering if your ex will come back. These relationships are often temporary solutions for coping with the emotions of a breakup. It’s important to focus on rebuilding attraction and giving space to allow for reconnection. Keep in mind that your ex may still have feelings for you, especially if they reach out or show interest through social media interactions.

Debunking Myths: The Frequency of Exes Coming Back

Some people probably want to answer questions like “why do exes always come back”, which is at the same time the most important myth concerning breakups. First we have to ask, will i get back with my ex? There’s an interesting study showing that around 50% of people who breakup eventually reunite [1]. Moreover, more than 50% of exes enter into a primarily sexual relationship after a breakup, but this does not necessarily mean that the ex returns for a committed relationship.

In other words, there’s a good chance that you and your ex will get back together, and quite literally the chances are 50:50. Now that we’ve established the truth, let’s consider some of the myths encountered by those who wonder “will my ex come back to me?”. 

While it’s natural to wonder if your ex will come back, remember that the future is uncertain. Reflect on the reasons behind your breakup and focus on personal growth and healing. Sometimes, relationships end for a reason, paving the way for new beginnings and opportunities. Stay open to all possibilities, including the chance of reconciliation or the path to moving forward independently while maintaining a no contact rule. Trust in the journey ahead, wherever it may lead, and remember that sometimes moving on is the best thing to do.

What are the signs that indicate your ex might come back?

Signs your ex might come back include them maintaining contact (e.g., with text messages), showing signs of nostalgia or regret, expressing interest in your life, or asking about your current relationship status. However exciting it might feel, it’s important to pause and consider with caution if reconciliation is truly in both parties’ best interests.

They Seem to Need Your Assistance

It is not always appropriate to interpret an ex’s request for assistance from you as a sign that they wish to reconcile with you after a split. They might genuinely need help, especially if you were also their best friend, or could simply be trying to maintain a connection under the guise of needing assistance. Will she come back for the help? However, if your ex appears to be making excuses to see you and potentially feigning need for assistance with trivial matters, it could be a sign that they’re looking for a way to re-enter your life. This could be a big sign that they may be using these interactions as an opportunity to initiate contact and gauge your reaction without directly showing their true intentions. In such cases, it might be worth addressing the situation openly. The best way forward is to confront them about their requests and see if they reveal deeper feelings or intentions. They may respond by expressing that they miss you and are interested in exploring the possibility of reuniting. Their attempts to seek your help might be a subtle way of reconnecting, and confronting them directly could clarify their true motives and open a dialogue about the potential for rekindling the relationship.

Your Have Same Social Circles

Such signs are: 

• Your ex is very often in touch with your friends.
• Your ex’s friends are inquiring about you. 
• Your ex communicates regularly with your family members.

When your ex is actively engaged with the people who are important in your life, it could be a good sign that they are trying to stay connected with you indirectly. This might mean that they are seeking updates about your life or even trying to understand your current feelings and relationship status through those close to you, like mutual friends. They might also be hoping to create opportunities for a chance meeting or a casual conversation in a familiar social setting. If your ex is making an effort to remain a part of your social circles, it could indicate a desire to maintain a connection or even to rekindle the relationship in a comfortable and familiar environment. Their continued presence in your social network, could be a subtle way of staying close to you and signalling their interest in getting back together, all while trying to avoid direct confrontation or awkwardness.

They Go To The Same Events You Do

It may be a sign that your ex is willing to get back in touch with you if they go to an event knowing you will be there. Maybe your ex thinks you’ll have the opportunity to start a discussion or perhaps even have a few drinks together. They might be hoping that a familiar setting where both of you have shared good memories will make it easier to reconnect. By attending these events, they’re putting themselves in your orbit, perhaps hoping that the casual and relaxed environment might reignite some of the old feelings between you. Even here, It’s possible they’re trying to gauge your reaction, to see if there’s still a spark, or simply to remind you of the connection you once had on your first date. Their presence at these events could be a subtle yet deliberate attempt to bridge the gap between you, creating opportunities for those spontaneous moments that could lead to a deeper conversation about what went wrong and whether there’s a chance to make things right again and have a good time together.

They Call Or Text You After A Night Out

Your ex may frequently refuse to admit their affections for you because of pride or avoidance. However, if they phone or text you while they’re inebriated, then it’s likely that what they said would be coming from the bottom of their heart, or at least would be an indicator of how they feel at the moment. Alcohol often lowers inhibitions and avoidance tendencies, allowing emotions that are usually kept in check to rise to the surface. When your ex reaches out to you in this state, it may suggest that their feelings for you are still strong, even if they normally struggle to express them. These late-night messages or calls could be their way of subconsciously trying to reconnect, revealing the vulnerability they might not show otherwise. It could be a huge sign that, deep down, they’re still thinking about you and perhaps even missing the closeness you once shared. While these interactions might be fleeting or confused, they often hint at unresolved emotions that linger beneath the surface, suggesting that their feelings for you are far from over, even if they haven’t fully come to terms with them yet.

Healing and Personal Growth After a Breakup

Perhaps you want to move on, work on yourself, become a better person, and finally stop having the same old “will my ex ever come back“ thought. Post-breakup situations are tough, especially when trying to decipher if your ex might come back. This is completely reasonable and there are many ways you can turn the next page and start improving after a breakup:

Accept That “Will My Ex Come Back” Thoughts May Repeat In The Future

It’s not uncommon for such thoughts to reappear even years later when you’re already in a happy relationship with another person. Some people may interpret these thoughts as a sign that they still have feelings for their ex. This isn’t necessarily the case, and especially if you’re determined to move on, chances are that noticing thoughts like “will my ex come back” or “will my ex girlfriend return” are a sign of obsessive thinking, which tends to increase during the more anxious periods of our lives.

Instead of trying to control the obsessive thoughts, you can do the following:

• Accept them as simple mental events rather than facts.
• Observe these thoughts as they flow in and flow out.
• If obsessive thoughts are really bothering you, you can choose to give them a specific time of the day dedicated to focussing on them. For example, you can establish to focus intensely on these thoughts for 5 minutes at 3pm. Once the time’s up, you move on from them. While potentially paradoxical, giving these thoughts deliberate, focused attention, is likely to make them less invasive over time.

Seek Help with Relationship Counselling

Relationship counselling can be a more systematic and thorough way of dealing with your breakup. It can be helpful to those who are feeling just a little bit shaken and want to find professional support to deal with their issues more efficiently. 

Relationship counselling would be advisable if you’re experiencing more severe emotional issues after a breakup, like depression or anxiety. Numerous studies have shown that relationship counselling, also known as couples therapy, is an effective way to treat mental health issues, through scientifically-backed therapeutic techniques, whether individual, couples, or group relationship counselling [2] [3].

Reconnecting or Letting Go: Weighing the Pros and Cons

If the possibility of resuming a relationship with an ex materialises, it’s important to be aware of the potential consequences.

The various pros and cons of restarting a relationship with an ex have equal weights:

Pros

You’ll Get a Chance to Fix Old Issues

Sometimes all we need is a second chance. Perhaps both you and your partner made some mistakes in the past, and this time you want to make smarter decisions and see how things will go. Reconnecting can offer an opportunity to address unresolved issues and work through them with the benefit of hindsight and personal growth.

Meeting Your Ex Anew

People change, and especially if a lot of time passes, meeting your ex once again can be similar to meeting a new person. You both may have evolved in ways that can bring a fresh perspective to the relationship, allowing you to build a stronger foundation than before. 

You Already Know Each Other

One of the advantages of reconnecting with an ex is that you already have a history together. This familiarity can make it easier to communicate and understand each other’s needs and preferences. You know each other’s quirks, values, and how you both handle conflicts, which can be very useful when restarting a relationship. This prior knowledge can also help you avoid some of the initial awkwardness of a new relationship and provide a solid base on which to rebuild.

Cons

Old Issues Will Continue

Well, this is the other side of the coin. If earlier you had some big issues in your relationship that you could hardly solve, it’s possible that the issues will continue and will threaten your relationship once again if you don’t want to work on them with your partner (and viceversa).

Breaking Up Once Again

It happens that people break up and get back together multiple times. The issue is that each time the relationship can get more and more unpleasant, turbulent, and generally speaking unstable. 

Will We Get Back Together – Likelihood of Success

Building a healthy relationship with your ex requires open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to address past issues through introspection. It’s important to take time to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship and work on personal growth before considering reconciliation. Healthy relationships are built on trust, understanding, and genuine care for one another’s well-being. If both parties are willing to put in the effort and make positive changes, there is a possibility of rekindling the relationship in a healthy and sustainable way, even if they want different things in a relationship.

Should You Try to Reconcile with Your Ex? Dos and Don’ts

When considering whether to rekindle a relationship with an ex, it’s very useful to approach the situation with caution and clarity. Here are some important dos and don’ts to guide you through the process.

Do: Reflect on the Past Relationship

Before reaching out, take time to reflect on why the relationship ended in the first place. Were the issues resolvable, or were they fundamental differences? Honest self-assessment can help you determine if getting back together is a realistic option or if it’s better to move on.

Don’t: Act on Impulse

It’s easy to let emotions drive your actions, especially after a breakup. The desire to reconnect or address lingering feelings might lead you to act impulsively, whether it’s sending a late-night text, showing up unexpectedly at their favourite spots, or reaching out through social media. However, acting on impulse or out of desperation can often lead to regret, as these actions might come across as intrusive, potentially pushing your ex further away rather than bringing them closer. Give yourself time to process your emotions and think through your actions carefully. Ask yourself whether your actions are motivated by genuine feelings or by momentary urges. By taking a step back and allowing yourself to reflect, you can approach the situation more thoughtfully, making decisions that are more likely to lead to a positive outcome. This approach will help you avoid unnecessary heartache and also shows maturity and respect for both yourself and your ex.

Do: Communicate with Honesty

If you decide to reach out, try to keep your communication open and honest. Discuss what went wrong and what has changed since the breakup. Both parties need to express their feelings and expectations clearly to avoid falling into old patterns.

Don’t: Dwell on the Past

While it’s important to understand what caused the breakup, dwelling on past mistakes can reduce the possibility of a fresh start. Focus on what you’ve learned about yourself, your partner, and others, and how you both can contribute to a healthier relationship moving forward.

Do: Set Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is crucial when reconnecting with an ex. Discuss what you’re both comfortable with and what the new relationship will look like. Boundaries help prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both partners are on the same page.

Don’t: Rush the Process

Rebuilding trust and rekindling feelings take time. Avoid rushing into a commitment or expecting everything to fall back into place immediately. Allow the relationship to evolve naturally and take things one step at a time.

Get Professional Help with Therapy Central

As you can see, “will my ex come back” is a tricky question to answer and the most accurate thing we can say is that each couple has its own way of solving problems and (at times) getting back together. Numerous exes do get back together after a while (about 50%), others decide to part ways for good. If you’re set on rekindling a relationship then, allowing for dialogue, friendship, honesty and forgiveness, you might just open the doors. It will then be up to your partner to make the next move.

Here at Therapy Central, we have numerous relationship therapists who can provide support in overcoming the most difficult aspects of intimate relationships, including after a break-up or if you are considering getting back together with an ex. If you feel detached or frustrated about the status of your relationship, or if you would like to come to therapy with your partner, don’t hesitate to contact us and schedule a free 15-minute consultation.