How to Deal with Low Self-Esteem: A UK Therapy Guide

Low self-esteem can feel like carrying an invisible weight everywhere you go. Perhaps you’ve noticed the constant stream of critical thoughts, or you find yourself comparing your achievements to others. If you’re reading this, you’re likely ready for practical steps to shift those patterns and build lasting confidence.

At Therapy Central, we understand that dealing with low self-esteem isn’t about quick fixes or forced positivity. Our guide combines immediate, actionable strategies with insights from professional therapeutic work to help you create real, sustainable change. Whether you’re exploring self-help approaches or considering low self-esteem therapy, we’re here to support your journey toward genuine confidence.

How Can You Deal with Low Self-Esteem?

You can deal with low self-esteem by identifying and challenging negative thoughts, practising self-compassion, and setting realistic goals. Spend time doing things you enjoy and surround yourself with people who support you. For lasting change, therapy can help you get to the root of those feelings.

What Are the Signs and Causes of Low Self-Esteem?

Recognising low self-esteem is the first step towards addressing it. While everyone experiences moments of self-doubt, low self-esteem runs deeper. It’s a steady pattern that can shape your daily life, your choices, and your relationships.

Common Signs of Low Self-Esteem

You might notice several indicators that suggest struggles with self-worth:

Emotional and mental signs:

• Persistent negative self-talk and harsh self-criticism
• Difficulty accepting compliments or positive feedback
• Constant unfavourable comparison with others
• Intense fear of failure or making mistakes
• Feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy

Behavioural patterns:

• People-pleasing and struggling to say no
• Avoiding challenges or new opportunities
• Withdrawing from social situations
• Seeking constant validation from others
• Perfectionism that becomes paralysing

Physical manifestations:

Low self-esteem doesn’t just affect your mind – it can also manifest physically. You might experience chronic fatigue, muscle tension (especially in the neck and shoulders), frequent headaches, and sleep disturbances 2. Changes in appetite and stomach issues can also be linked to the stress associated with low self-worth.

What Causes Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem often stems from childhood experiences like persistent criticism, neglect, or bullying. Ongoing pressure from society, work, or relationships can also strengthen negative beliefs about your self-worth 1.

Understanding where these feelings come from can help you make sense of your inner critic and begin to change how you see yourself. Here are some common causes:

Early Life Influences

Childhood experiences shape how we view ourselves. If you grew up with little praise, constant criticism, love that felt earned rather than given, or painful experiences like bullying or rejection, those moments can leave a lasting mark. They can turn into deep-seated beliefs about your worth that follow you into adulthood 1.

Life Events and Ongoing Stressors

Sometimes low self-esteem develops or intensifies following job loss, relationship breakdowns, academic disappointments, significant life transitions, ongoing financial stress, or traumatic experiences 1. If you’re struggling with feelings of worthlessness after difficult life events, you’re not alone.

Societal and Cultural Pressures

We live in a world saturated with curated social media feeds and unrealistic standards. Constant exposure to idealised images and narratives about success, appearance, and achievement can erode self-worth, particularly when you feel you don’t measure up.

The Key Difference Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion

Here’s something many people don’t realise: focusing solely on building self-esteem might not be the most effective approach. More and more therapists now emphasise self-compassion as a more durable and healthier alternative.

Understanding the Distinction

Self-esteem is fundamentally about evaluation: how highly you rate yourself compared to others or against certain standards. It can be fragile because it relies on external achievements, comparisons, and validation. When things go well, your self-esteem rises. When you face setbacks, it plummets.

Self-compassion, by contrast, isn’t about judging yourself at all. It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a struggling friend. It recognises that imperfection, failure, and difficulty are part of being human rather than indicators of personal inadequacy.

Why Self-Compassion Matters

Self-compassion offers several advantages:

Greater stability: Unlike self-esteem, self-compassion doesn’t fluctuate dramatically based on success or failure. It remains steady regardless of circumstances because it’s not contingent on meeting particular standards 3.

Reduced comparison: Self-esteem often involves comparing yourself to others. Self-compassion removes that competitive element entirely. You can acknowledge others’ strengths without diminishing your own worth.

Easier to practice: Building self-esteem often feels like forcing yourself to think you’re wonderful, which can feel dishonest when struggling. Self-compassion simply asks you to be kind to yourself, which feels more authentic and achievable.

Better mental health outcomes: Research consistently shows that self-compassion is associated with lower anxiety and depression, greater emotional resilience, and improved overall well-being 4.

A Simple Self-Compassion Framework

When you notice harsh self-criticism arising, try this three-step approach:

1. Acknowledge the difficulty: “This is hard right now” or “I’m really struggling with this”
2. Remember common humanity: “Everyone makes mistakes” or “Struggling is part of being human”
3. Offer yourself kindness: “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”

This doesn’t mean lowering your standards or avoiding growth. It means changing the foundation from which you approach challenges – from self-judgment to self-support.

Practical Strategies to Start Building Self-Esteem Today

While self-compassion provides the foundation, there are immediate, practical steps you can take to begin shifting your relationship with yourself. These strategies draw from evidence-based therapeutic approaches and can make a real difference when you practise them regularly.

Challenge Your Inner Critic

That harsh voice in your head isn’t telling you the truth – it’s often repeating old patterns and distorted beliefs. When you catch yourself thinking something critical, consider the following strategies.

Question the evidence: Ask yourself, “Would I say this to a friend? Is this thought based on facts or feelings? What evidence contradicts this thought?”

Consider alternatives: For every negative thought, identify at least one alternative, more balanced perspective. If you think “I’m terrible at everything,” counter with specific examples of things you’ve done well.

Use the friend test: Imagine your closest friend came to you with this same self-criticism. What would you say to them? Extend that same compassion to yourself.

Set Realistic, Achievable Goals

Low self-esteem often leads to two extremes: impossibly high standards that guarantee failure, or avoiding goals altogether to prevent disappointment. You need to find the middle ground.

Start small with goals that challenge you slightly but feel achievable. Successfully completing smaller goals builds momentum and proves you’re capable. Make goals specific – rather than “be more confident,” try “initiate one conversation with a colleague this week.” Celebrate progress, not perfection.

Build Competence in Areas That Matter to You

Self-worth isn’t built through empty affirmations; it grows through genuine competence and mastery in areas you care about.

Identify your values: what actually matters to you? Not what you think should matter, but what genuinely resonates. This might be creativity, helping others, learning, physical strength, or intellectual growth. Then develop skills aligned with those values. If you value creativity, take up a creative hobby. If you value connection, practice communication skills. Building genuine ability in meaningful areas creates authentic confidence.

Create a Supportive Social Environment

The people around you significantly influence your self-perception. While you can’t always choose every relationship, you can be intentional about where you invest your time and energy.

Spend more time with people who are encouraging, who celebrate your successes, and who treat you with respect and kindness. Set healthy boundaries with critics – you don’t have to tolerate constant criticism, even from family members. Join communities aligned with your interests for both social connection and opportunities to develop competence.

Engage in Activities That Bring You Joy

Low self-esteem often leads to abandoning activities you once enjoyed. Making time for pleasure isn’t selfish – it’s essential for well-being.

Schedule enjoyable activities in your calendar like any other important appointment. Whether it’s a walk in nature, reading, gaming, cooking, or creating art, make it non-negotiable time. When you’re doing something you enjoy, pause and consciously acknowledge the feeling. Sometimes exploring a new hobby can provide fresh perspective and new sources of satisfaction.

How to Challenge Negative Self-Talk with CBT Techniques

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) offers powerful, evidence-based techniques to tackle the thought patterns that keep low self-esteem in place. These approaches are used extensively in therapeutic settings and can also be practised independently. If you’re interested in structured support, CBT therapy can give you a framework for lasting change.

Understanding the Thought-Feeling-Behaviour Connection

CBT is built on a simple but profound insight: your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are interconnected and influence each other continuously.

Imagine you’re about to give a presentation at work. If you think “I’m going to mess this up and everyone will think I’m incompetent,” you’ll likely feel anxious. Those feelings might then lead to behaviours like avoiding eye contact or speaking quickly – which ironically makes the presentation more difficult.

Alternatively, if you think “I’ve prepared well and I have valuable information to share,” you’ll likely feel more confident. That confidence translates into clearer communication and better delivery.

The good news? While you can’t always control your immediate feelings or circumstances, you can learn to notice and challenge your thoughts – which then influences your feelings and behaviours.

Identifying Cognitive Distortions

Low self-esteem is often maintained by specific patterns of distorted thinking 5:

All-or-nothing thinking: Viewing things in extremes. “If I’m not perfect, I’m a complete failure.”

Overgeneralisation: Taking one negative event as a never-ending pattern. “I made a mistake in that meeting, so I’m terrible at my job” 6.

Mental filter: Focusing exclusively on negatives while ignoring positives. Receiving nine compliments and one criticism, but only remembering the criticism.

Discounting the positive: Dismissing positive achievements as “not counting” or due to luck. “They’re just being nice” when someone compliments you.

Catastrophising: Assuming the worst possible outcome 7. “If I don’t get this promotion, my entire career is ruined.”

Personalisation: Taking responsibility for things outside your control 8. “My friend seems upset – I must have done something wrong.”

Learning to spot these unhelpful patterns in your own thinking is the first step to challenging them.

The Thought Record Technique

One of the most effective CBT tools is the thought record. When you notice yourself feeling particularly low or self-critical, work through this structured process:

This isn’t about forcing positive thinking – it’s about examining whether your initial interpretation is accurate and helpful, or filtered through the lens of low self-worth.

Compassionate Reframing

Beyond challenging thoughts for accuracy, you can practice reframing them with compassion. The table below offers practical examples of how to transform harsh self-criticism into more balanced, compassionate perspectives:

The goal isn’t to replace every negative thought with an overly positive one. It’s to find a middle ground that’s both more accurate and more compassionate.

The Role of Therapy in Creating Lasting Change

While self-help strategies can be valuable, professional therapy offers something qualitatively different – a structured, supported approach to addressing the root causes of low self-esteem and creating deep, lasting change.

What Makes Therapy Different

You might wonder: can’t I just use CBT techniques on my own? While you can practice many skills independently, therapy provides several unique advantages:

Uncovering root causes: A therapist helps you identify the deeper beliefs and earlier experiences that created and maintain your low self-worth. While you might recognise surface-level thoughts, underlying core beliefs often remain outside conscious awareness.

Providing perspective: When you’re caught in patterns of self-criticism, it’s difficult to see them clearly. A therapist offers an objective, compassionate outside perspective that helps you recognise distortions you might otherwise miss.

Offering accountability and structure: Therapy provides regular, scheduled time dedicated to your growth. That structured support helps maintain momentum even when motivation wavers.

Creating a corrective emotional experience: For many with low self-esteem, early relationships taught them they weren’t worthy of attention or care. The therapeutic relationship itself – where you’re genuinely valued and supported – can be profoundly healing.

Evidence-Based Approaches for Low Self-Esteem

Therapy is highly effective for addressing low self-esteem. Some of the most effective and commonly used therapeutic approaches to address low self-esteem include:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT directly targets the thought patterns behind low self-worth by addressing your core beliefs and providing systematic skills training 9.

Schema Therapy: This approach specifically targets deep-seated patterns formed early in life that shape how you view yourself, others, and the world 10. It’s particularly helpful when self-esteem issues have roots in childhood experiences.

Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT): Developed specifically for people who struggle with self-criticism and shame, CFT teaches you to cultivate self-compassion through specific practices and experiential exercises 11.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Rather than focusing solely on changing thoughts, ACT therapy helps you change your relationship with difficult thoughts and feelings while clarifying and pursuing your values 12.

When to Consider Therapy

Therapy becomes particularly important when:

• Low self-esteem is significantly impacting your daily functioning, relationships, or career
• You’ve tried self-help strategies but haven’t seen meaningful improvement
• Self-criticism has become overwhelming or constant
• Low self-worth is accompanied by depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns
• Past experiences of trauma, abuse, or neglect contribute to current self-esteem issues

You don’t need to wait until things become severe. Seeking support early can prevent problems from deepening and help you build skills that serve you throughout life.

How Therapy Central Helps You Build Confidence

At Therapy Central, we specialise in helping people transform their relationship with themselves through evidence-based therapeutic approaches tailored to individual needs.

Our Approach

Everyone’s experience with low self-esteem looks different. Your path to feeling more confident depends on your story, your current struggles, and what confidence means to you. That’s why we begin with a thorough assessment. Together, we explore how low self-worth shows up in your life, what may have contributed to it, and what strengths you already have to build on.

From there, your therapist will create a personalised plan. This may include structured CBT, exploring core beliefs, learning skills like assertiveness and self-compassion, working through past experiences safely, and reviewing progress as you grow.

What You Can Expect

Therapy with us usually starts with weekly sessions to build momentum and help new habits take root. You’ll have a confidential, non-judgemental space where you can speak openly and be truly heard.

You’ll get guidance from experienced therapists who specialise in self-esteem work, learn proven techniques to build real confidence, and walk away with practical tools to use in everyday life.

We offer both online counselling and in-person sessions in London, with flexible scheduling from early morning to late evening and on weekends, making it easier to fit therapy into a busy life.

Moving Forward with Confidence

Dealing with low self-esteem is a journey that requires patience, practice, and often professional support. While the strategies outlined here provide a solid starting point, remember that lasting change typically involves addressing the deeper patterns and beliefs that maintain self-doubt.

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Professional therapy offers expert guidance, evidence-based techniques, and the kind of structured support that makes genuine transformation possible.

At Therapy Central, we’ve helped countless individuals move from self-criticism to self-compassion, from doubt to confidence. Our qualified therapists understand the complexities of low self-esteem and are ready to support you in building a healthier relationship with yourself. If you’re struggling with low self-worth, contact us for a free 15-minute consultation to explore how our specialist therapy can support your recovery.