Sex is a natural and beautiful part of human life that can give us pleasure and deepen intimacy between us and our partners while improving our quality of life [1]. However, sexual activity can also get messy and not-so-perfect, and it can invoke various concerns, including fears about any aspect of sexual experience and sex. As many as 42% of men and 51% of women reported one or more sexual issues, such as sexual performance anxiety, the fear of sexual intercourse, low libido, physical pain, or sexual desire-related difficulties, or painful intercourse, in 2013 in the UK alone [2].
If you’re scared to have sex or experiencing avoidance of sex it’s essential to address this issue, as it can negatively affect your life when left untreated, leading to a physical reactions and pattern of avoidance that can significantly decrease the quality of your relationships and social life.
Luckily, your fear of sex (professionally called genophobia), like many other phobias, is a treatable issue you can work on with mental health professionals such as sex therapists, including those specialising in genophobia treatment. In this article, we discuss this sexual issue and share effective strategies to reduce stress, foster self-compassion, practice open communication, and regain control of your life.
Educate Yourself on Sex & Sexual Phobias
Many sexual phobias stem from different myths, misconceptions, and urban legends. That’s why it’s best to overcome your genophobia by educating yourself on sexual intimacy and sexual issues.
Sex phobia manifests as intense feelings of fear when faced with potential sexual intercourse and physical intimacy directly or indirectly – when thinking about it. When triggered, it can lead to a panic attack or severe anxiety symptoms, such as:
- shortness of breath,
- dizziness,
- shaking,
- nausea,
- higher heart rate,
- sweating,
- crying.
The common consequence of experiencing these unsettling symptoms is to steer clear of similar situations in the future, yet that is a one-way street to:
- developing avoidance behaviours,
- struggling with anticipatory anxiety,
- isolating yourself socially,
- fearing emotional connection.
Acknowledge Your Fear of Sex
While uncomfortable and challenging, facing your issue head-on, with acceptance, compassion, and understanding is key to moving past your fear of sexual intimacy.
You can start by taking note of each time you experience anxiety. Try to observe different details of that situation:
- Where are you?
- Who are you with?
- What were you talking about?
- How are you feeling right now?
- When did your mood change?
Repeat that process to become aware of the context within which you feel anxiety. This will allow you to identify specific things that trigger your specific phobia of sex, such as:
- something your partner says,
- initiating physical contact,
- fear of nudity,
- sex scenes in movies.
Pin-pointing these triggers can minimise their impact on your emotions and help you regain a sense of control.
Find The Underlying Causes of Genophobia
Knowing your triggers, while highly beneficial, is not enough to solve your issue. Asking yourself: “Why am I scared of sex? Where does my fear of having sex stem from?” is a necessary step in your healing journey as it allows you to make sense of your current struggles.
Typically, genophobia is a result of different insecurities or adverse experiences from your past, such as:
Childhood Trauma |
– While different for everyone, it can be a result of physical, psychological, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse, result of trauma. |
Sexual Abuse |
– It can result in overwhelming feelings of shame, lack of safety, trust issues, and being scared of having sex. – Experience of sexual violence and childhood sexual abuse often causes further mental health issues like PTSD. |
Cultural Beliefs |
– Growing up in an environment where sex is a taboo topic, often influenced by cultural factors and religious teachings, can perpetuate myths and misconceptions about sex. – Being taught that sex is for procreation, not pleasure, might cause feelings of shame or anxiety. |
Body Image Issues |
– Conditions such as body dysmorphia, where you feel ashamed of your body, can negatively impact self-confidence and the ability to feel comfortable in intimate and sexual situations. |
Sexual Dysfunctions |
– If your partner has sexual issues like erectile dysfunction or vaginismus, it can significantly impact your relationship with sex in general, leading to increased worries and a reduced sex drive [2]. – If you have a sexual dysfunction, get in touch with your doctor, as they might prescribe medication for you. |
How to overcome fear of physical intimacy?
Communicate Openly About Your Fear of Having Sex
It’s difficult to talk to others about mental health issues, especially when they’re linked to a mental health condition or disorder related to sex and sexual relationships. You might feel embarrassed, ashamed, or scared to be rejected. If you’re in a committed relationship or dating a potential partner with whom you feel safe and with whom you can create close relationships, telling them about your marked fear of sex, which can be a mental health condition, and seeking professional support is incredibly important. Chances are that such vulnerable and authentic sharing might bring you closer than ever before.
Here are a couple of tips for you to consider before initiating this conversation:
- Pick an appropriate time and place for this conversation. Make sure you both feel comfortable, safe, and not rushed or interrupted by anything.
- If you know the root cause, triggers, type of anxiety or symptoms of your sex phobia, share them with your partner so that they can better understand the nature of your issue.
- At all times, treat your partner with respect and empathy by, for example, not interrupting them and actively listening to what they’re saying to you.
- If something makes you uncomfortable, set healthy boundaries with your partner. For example:
- It’s okay not to answer a question that is too difficult to discuss. You’re always allowed to say “No”.
- Don’t hesitate to tell them not to touch you in a specific way.
- If they comment on your lack of physical contact, explain how that makes you feel and form a request not to talk to you this way in the future.
Embrace Self-Compassion
Being scared to have sex can make you feel out of place and different from others. In such a state, it might be easy to engage in negative self-talk, feel not good enough, and become consumed by painful emotions such as self-hate, shame, and anxiety.
Facing genophopbia is difficult enough on its own. Try not to make it even harder for yourself. Instead, set an intention to treat yourself like you’d treat a close friend with a similar issue. Practice being patient, calm, understanding, kind, and non-judgmental toward yourself.
Whenever you catch yourself feeling frustrated by not making progress fast enough or overly self-critical, pause for a moment and make a conscious choice to turn toward self-love and radical acceptance.
You can also pick up a daily habit of following these guided self-compassion meditations.
Apply Relaxation Techniques
When you get triggered and become increasingly anxious due to an anxiety disorder, your body releases the stress hormone – adrenaline – which causes uncomfortable symptoms like rapid heart rate. You can counteract these bodily sensations by applying relaxation techniques that can teach you new ways to calm you down both physically and mentally. The same goes for situations that you know can trigger your intense fear of sexual encounters during intimate experiences. You might want to prepare better by achieving an optimal state by reducing anxiety with cognitive behavioral therapy approaches and relaxation techniques:
- practising diaphragm breathing,
- following guided meditations,
- progressive muscle relaxation,
- exploring self-pleasure and masturbation,
- engaging in non-sexual physical intimacy with your partner.
Seek Professional Guidance
Getting stressed about sex from time to time is understandable. However, being scared of intimacy and any aspect of sex is a wildly different issue that can significantly interfere with your life and well-being, negatively affecting your romantic relationship and increasing the risk of anxiety and depression.
You don’t have to go through this alone. Getting professional help from an experienced psychotherapist opens up an opportunity for you to:
- face your fears in a safe, controlled environment,
- identify why you’re scared to have sex,
- recognise what triggers phobic reactions,
- learn healthy ways to overcome your fear of intimacy,
- take charge of your sexual life, and form new, positive beliefs around it.
Don’t wait for this issue to get better on its own – face your fears today. Start by contacting us for a free 15-minute consultation to see if our services fit your unique needs.
FAQ
Genophobia, also known as the phobia of sex, is the fear of sexual intercourse or sexual intimacy. People with genophobia often experience severe anxiety or panic at the thought of engaging in sexual activity. This fear can stem from various factors, including childhood trauma, cultural beliefs, body image issues, or past sexual abuse. Understanding the common causes of genophobia and identifying these underlying factors is essential for understanding why you’re scared of sex.
Symptoms of sex phobia (or fear of having sex) include physical signs like shaking, nausea, sweating, shortness of breath, and rapid heart rate when faced with sexual situations or thoughts about intimacy. These symptoms can lead to avoidance behaviors and social isolation, contributing to a persistent fear of letting go sexually or emotionally.
address your fears head-on. Start by educating yourself about sex, identifying your triggers, and engaging in open communication with your partner. Practicing self-compassion and applying relaxation techniques like deep breathing and guided meditation can help reduce anxiety. Working on body positivity and setting healthy boundaries are also effective ways to regain confidence.
Being scared of intimacy, even in a loving relationship, is often linked to past emotional wounds or fear of vulnerability. This can result from childhood experiences, past intimate relationships, or a lack of trust. Understanding these emotional barriers and learning how to communicate openly with your partner are key steps to overcoming this fear and building deeper emotional connections.
Relaxation techniques such as deep diaphragmatic breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and guided meditation can help reduce the stress response during intimate situations. Non-sexual physical touch, like holding hands or cuddling, can also ease the fear of physical intimacy, helping you gradually feel more comfortable with closeness.
Seeking professional help through therapy is highly effective for overcoming the fear of sexual acts and intimacy and negative thoughts. Therapists, particularly sex therapists, can guide you in exploring the root causes of your fear, recognising triggers, and providing tools for managing anxiety. Therapy creates a safe, supportive environment where you can learn to heal and form healthier relationships with both your body and your partner. Get in touch with us today to start working on your difficulties!